Thirteen Reasons Why Mikoto Shouldn't (Should) Date Touma
by 61wisampa
Summary: Because putting it on a list makes it more legit.


**~$ sudo -i  
_Enter password for 61wisampa:_  
# insmod disclaimer******.ko******  
****#dmesg tail**

**_Sept. 23, 2014: _Disclaimer: I do not own To Aru, Mikoto, Othinus, Ruiko or Touma no matter how much I want to. Also, this story was based on Whimsical Times Chapter 24 by Snazzy Elle**

**# rmmod **disclaimer******.ko**********  
**# make warning.c**  
**# insmod warning**.ko**  
# dmesg tail **

**_Sept. 23, 2014: _WARNING: Crack fic ahead :D**

**# rmmod **warning**.ko****  
****# make clean  
****# exit**

**exit**

* * *

**Thirteen Reasons Why Misaka Mikoto Shouldn't (Should) Date Kamijou Touma**

_**Summary:** Because putting it on a list makes it more legit._

* * *

**Thirteen Reasons Why Misaka Mikoto _Shouldn't_ Date Kamijou Touma**

Written by: **Misaka Mikoto**

Edited by: _Saten Ruiko_ and Othinus the **(Chibi)** Magic God

* * *

Reason Number 1: **He's an idiot.**

_Does this really count as a valid reason, Misaka-san?_ You obviously have not been subjected to his sheer stupidity. **My thoughts exactly.**

* * *

Reason Number 2: **He's such a flirt.**

**And he doesn't even realize it.** Absolutely stupid. _Does it still count if he's unaware?_ **Yes.** Yes.

* * *

Reason Number 3: **He has a harem.**

_...he does?_ I haven't realized the full extent of his harem but since you put it here, I'm guessing it's quite a lot. **Quite? If we include every single one of my Sisters, he has about 9992 people in his harem! It's practically a world record!** ...you didn't include me on that list, did you? **Ah... haha ha... whatever are you saying, Othi-chan?**

* * *

Reason Number 4:** He's always so busy saving the world.**

You mean, saving girls, right? **I didn't say that!** _But it's true that this is a problem. I can't even imagine how worried Misaka-san may be all the time. Not to mention, he probably doesn't have time for a stable relationship... ah, sorry, Misaka-san! I didn't mean to make you sad!_

* * *

Reason Number 5: **He always leaves me behind.**

**Like in the World War III arc, the Hawaii Invasion arc, the Gremlin arc, the Agitate Halation arc and even in the Magic God Othinus arc! And that was twice!** You can't blame him. Those are all primarily Magic Side arcs. Of course he wouldn't want to include you. He probably just wants to protect you. _Does that mean this should be in the 'Thirteen Reasons why Misaka Mikoto Should Date Kamijou Touma' list then?_ **You don't get it! I'm not a damsel in distress. I can help him fight, dammit! And shouldn't you two be helping me, not defending him?!**

* * *

Reason Number 6: **My mother likes him.**

_Uhm... I fail to see why this is a bad thing._ **Trust me, Saten-san. EVERYTHING that Mama likes is bad news.**

* * *

Reason Number 7: **He thinks it's childish that I like Gekota!**

EVERYONE thinks it's childish. **WHAT DID YOU SAY?!**

* * *

Reason Number 8: _He's way too plain._

**T-t-t-that's not true! I m-m-mean... sure he's a bit stupid and he's not all that good-looking but... mumblemumble** _Misaka-san, focus. We're trying to make a list of why you shouldn't date Kamijou-san. DON'T DEFEND HIM._ This is getting nowhere...

* * *

Reason Number 9: People would probably look down on the relationship.

_I guess it would seem odd to most that a Level 5 decided to date a Level 0._ They'd think she's better off with a higher level esper. **…**

* * *

Reason Number 10: **_He's way too dense._**

**We're all in agreement then?** Yes. _Uh-huh._

* * *

Reason Number 11: "Shirai Kuroko does not approve."

**H-hey! Kuroko! What the hell are you doing here?!** "I will not let you date that barbarian, Onee-sama! Never! Onee-sama is mine and only mi—GUUWWWOOOOH!" **Crackle. Get out of here you pervert!**

* * *

Reason Number 12: **I'm not his type.**

**He likes matured onee-chan types with big boobs.** You mean, like that Kanzaki Saint, the artificial angel Kazakiri, that classmate Fukiyose, the Level 5 Shoku— **I'm cutting you off right there!** _Where did you even learn that?_ **Have you watched the Index anime, Saten-san?**

* * *

Reason Number 13: **...I'll fall in love with him...**

_D-did Misaka-san just—_ Yes, she admitted it... and now she's unconscious. Sighs.

* * *

With the writer of the short list out cold, Othinus decided to keep the paper, knowing that it wouldn't be safe within the vicinity of Mikoto's crazy teleporter roommate. Not long after, the Electromaster regained consciousness and they all decided to head home.

What greeted Othinus was a familiar sight of Touma wearing his apron and cooking dinner in the kitchen.

"Welcome back, Othi-chan," the boy greeted her with a grin, "I didn't see you the whole day. Where've you been?"

She made her way to the living room as she answered, "I was with Sparky and her friend."

"Biribiri? What did you guys do?"

"Things." she answered vaguely, recalling the list hidden beneath her robes.

He let out a hum of interest but didn't inquire any further. A few more minutes later, he was done with dinner and was preparing their food on the table. After saying the Japanese pre-meal thanksgiving, Touma spoke.

"You and Misaka have been getting along pretty well lately." He remarked.

She shrugged, "She's the most normal among your friends."

He chuckled at that, "I guess so. She's the only one that I can actually talk to about anything that's happening in my life, be it the Magic Side, the Science Side or just the usual normal student stuff. I guess it also helps that she stopped being unreasonably violent with me. But even with that, she's great, isn't she?"

She stopped at his words. If she didn't know him very well, she'd think at was almost a confession... Was it? "She is," Othinus agreed but added, "But what exactly do you think of her? She doesn't seem like your other friends."

"She's not," he confirmed, smiling a bit, "Like I said, she's probably the only one who can understand me in every way. She's my comrade when things get out of hand in the Magic or the Science side, but at the end of the day, we can still hang out like normal students talking about homework and upcoming exams. It's nice to have her around, because with her, I don't forget that the Kamijou Touma who fights against monstrously strong supernatural beings is the same as the Kamijou Touma who is a plain high school idiot that always takes remedial classes."

By the end of his speech, the Magic God's eyebrows were lifted high. She honestly didn't expect his answer to be that deep. "Human," she began slowly, waiting for the boy to put his full attention to her, "Is that a confession?"

The chopsticks he was holding dropped as he tried to look away from her. Othinus's eyes grew large as she witnessed something she never thought was possible.

Kamijou Touma was blushing.

"W-w-what are you saying? I just answered your question." It was light, but it was there. And his stuttering really gave him away.

Othinus couldn't believe it. She spent the whole day with a lovesick Sparky only to find out there shouldn't be anything to be lovesick about. And though the whole ordeal was somehow entertaining, it still vexed her that these two people were equally stupid.

She shot the boy a serious look and declared, "Date her."

Touma, who was utterly surprised of her words, stared at her with wide eyes as he mumbled a stupid, "Huh?"

She stood up from her sitting position on the table, walked across the surface and around his plate, and brought out the piece of paper from her robes to put it in his hand. "Ask her out." She ordered him, before returning to her seat.

Othinus could only smile silently as she watched Touma's expression change from confused, to slightly offended, to stupidly happy when he read the paper. Once he finished reading, he sent her an unbelieving (but hopeful) look which she responded with an expectant one. Grinning, he wasted no time standing up and searching for a pen.

The Magic God hummed pleasantly as she ate her food. Those two could be so adorable sometimes.

* * *

Touma had never been the first one to seek Misaka Mikoto out when he was out in the city. Sure, he enjoyed bumping into her, but he had always had this almost paranoid thought that she'd get sick of him or think he was creepy if they always 'accidentally' bump into each other. The fake Unabara Mitsuki was a proof of that so Touma decided to leave his and Mikoto's meetings in fate's hands.

But today would be the first exception of the (hopefully) many more to come.

"Yo, Misaka!" he called out once he finally found her exiting the convenience store she frequently reads manga at after searching for her the whole morning. There was an instant blush on her cheeks, and knowing the reason behind it (the paper was safely inside his pocket) made him want to smile goofily at her. He fought the urge though and pretended not to notice the red tint of her cheeks as he said, "I've been looking for you."

Her face turned into a deeper red, "W-w-what? Y-you've been l-l-looking...?"

"Yeah. There's something—" he was cut off when Shirai suddenly teleported in front of him, serving as a barrier between him and Mikoto.

He instinctively took a step back as the Teleporter jabbed a finger at his chest whilst glaring murderously at him. "You! Stay. Away. From. Onee. Sama!"

He suddenly recalled Shirai's random insert on the list and realized she must've read the whole thing as well.

Such misfortune...

Biting back a sigh, he looked over to Mikoto who was still a little confused at what had happened. Smiling a little as he watched the Electromaster shout a reprimanding "Kuroko!" before grabbing the younger girl's collar, he interrupted her before she could electrocute Shirai.

"I guess I should be going," he told her.

She sent him a curious gaze, "I thought you said you were looking for me."

"I was, so," he took out the neatly folded paper from his pocket and handed it to her, "I just wanted to give you this. Promise me to read it when you have enough privacy."

"WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING YOU—"

She jerked Shirai's head to the side, effectively halting (choking) the girl when her collar pressed against her throat. Mikoto nodded, "Alright."

He smiled, "Great." He then proceeded jogging away, waving at her, "I'll see you later, Biribiri!"

The last words he heard from her were the predictable "Don't call me Biribiri!", and he laughed as he made his way to his next destination.

* * *

About an hour later, Mikoto successfully escaped her roommate. Recalling what Touma had told her earlier, she decided enter a small café and read the paper he gave there. After ordering, she took out the paper and instantly froze when she recognized it.

It was the same paper where she, Saten-san and Othinus had written that damned list. And since it was Touma who had given it back to her, it was obvious that he had read the whole thing as well.

Nononononono, how?! How did he even get his hands on this thing?!

She stopped, finally realizing who was at fault.

"That Kami-chibi..." she growled, crumpling the paper in her hands a little. She was dreading to read its contents, knowing for a fact that whatever the reason Touma had given her the paper, it was related to her indirect confession.

Letting out a sigh, she decided that prolonging it would do her no good and braced herself. Slowly, she unfolded the paper, and her eyes widened as she read his addition.

* * *

**Thirteen Reasons Why Misaka Mikoto _Should_ Date Kamijou Touma**

Written by:_** Kamijou Touma**_

* * *

Reason Number 1: _**You're a tsundere.**_

_**And you just don't want to admit that you actually like that I'm an idiot because you get to call me 'you idiot'.**_

* * *

Reason Number 2: _**I'm not a flirt.**_

_**I don't even know HOW to flirt!**_

* * *

Reason Number 3: _**I DO NOT have a harem.**_

_**They're just a bunch of people that I once saved, but I am curious as to how you came up with that number. And what was that about the Sisters liking me?**_

* * *

Reason Number 4: _**I'm always busy saving the world.**_

_**Because I want to protect this world that you love so much. I'm sorry if I make you worry, but I need to make sure that you'll be safe.**_

* * *

Reason Number 5: _**I always leave you behind.**_

_**Because you're the one person I don't ever want to be hurt. I thought it was obvious enough when I told you I didn't want to fight you in the Magic God Othinus arc. Also, Saten-san's right. This reason should be on this list.**_

* * *

Reason Number 6: _**Your mother likes me.**_

_**You should have more faith on Misuzu-san. I mean, mother knows best, right?**_

* * *

Reason Number 7: _**I think it's cute that you like Gekota.**_

_**As long as you'll pay more attention to me than this frog, I'll be fine sharing you with it.**_

* * *

Reason Number 8: _**I'm plain enough for you.**_

_**Because you, being the bright star that you are, don't need someone who would try to outshine you, but someone who would let you shine brighter. And what better complement than a plain background?**_

* * *

Reason Number 9: _**I don't care what people will say.**_

_**And neither should you.**_

* * *

Reason Number 10: _**I am NOT that dense!**_

_**If I was, I wouldn't be writing this thing!**_

* * *

Reason Number 11: _**Your stalker best friend roommate's opinion doesn't matter.**_

_**And if she tries to kill me, I would probably survive... maybe.**_

* * *

Reason Number 12: _**You're not my type.**_

_**And you're right. You're not my type of girl. You're my dream girl.**_

* * *

Reason Number 13: _**I'm already in love with you.**_

_**And I'm waiting at the usual vending machine.**_

* * *

Mikoto wasted no time and headed towards the vending machine (after leaving the payment for what she had ordered on the table, of course). With her heart pounding and the piece of paper clutched in her hand, she ran straight to where he had said he'd be, all the while idly wondering if this was a dream.

It certainly was too good not to be.

But when she arrived there, panting, he stood there leaning against the vending machine, and when he noticed her, sent her a smile that made her heart melt.

He approached her as she continued to catch her breath, "Took you long enough." he murmured to her.

She let out a breathy laugh, "That's my line."

As he took her face into his hands and tilted their heads so their lips would meet, she released the piece of paper she held, letting it get carried by the wind that blew as they kissed.

After all, those lists were no longer needed.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

This is the second stupidest thing I've ever written XDD blame Snazzy Elle and her awesome crack fic collection. If you enjoy Resident Evil and like the Cleon pairing, I suggest you read it if you haven't :DD

So I'm in the middle of my exams and what do I do? I write! haha! Sorry but this just wouldn't leave me be. I haven't even asked my friends to betaread this...

But anyway, **if you were confused,** text written like **this is Mikoto,** this is Othinus, _this is Ruiko_ and _**this is**__**Touma.**_Also, I had no idea how to end it so... XDD cheesy much? ah whatever. This is a crack fic so what did you expect?

I'm in need of happiness, that's why I write these things XD also, if you've read _**The Misfortunate Tsundere and the Dense Ojou-sama,**_it's now gonna be **a multi-chaptered story with a collection of personality-swapped scenes from the whole series.** I' planning on updating it in a week or so :) look forward to that, okay?

Thanks for reading! And I'd appreciate it if you review and share this story to your sad friends. Hopefully, I was able to make you laugh :DD

**~61wisampa**


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